Confidence - Why it’s Often Talked About, Tips for Growing It and What Gets in the Way

Why is confidence popular?

Mental health challenges are widespread in the U.S. Statistics show that more than one in five U.S. adults live with a mental illness. That was 59.3 million adults in 2022 which was 23.1% of the U.S adult population (NIMH, 2023). Could this be why confidence is a popular subject in culture and mental health? I think so. We all want to feel good about ourselves and quite frankly, most people don’t. Sometimes we get comfortable in our pain. Or sometimes that pain, insecurity or self-doubt gets so big and we need professional help to sort it out. Indeed, our attitude about ourselves and our abilities are the culmination of our life experiences. They have little to do with our destiny (Tracy, 2012).

So, what is it?

In this post, I define confidence as the ability to believe in ourselves and our capabilities. It also looks like accepting our mistakes and flaws. Confidence helps us go after big things and helps us fulfill our purpose (Messaoud, 2022).  As a man thinketh so is he. If we reflect on who we really are, which I choose to believe is someone capable and worthy, then we will eventually start behaving from this part of ourselves, instead of the self-doubting insecure part (Tracy, 2012). As I mentioned earlier, I believe we all want to feel good. However, feeling bad about ourselves often feels familiar and it takes time to step into something new.

Why it matters

This topic matters because when more of us feel better about ourselves, we become more resilient. It’s important to feel good about ourselves and still value others, though. I want that for you. Too many hurt people are hurting people. If we can grow in self-confidence, self-forgiveness, self-kindness and inner peace, we can give these gifts to others.

I don’t know about you but people with self-confidence inspire me. They give me permission to be self-confident, not overly responsible or apologetic for what’s not mine and to let the people pleaser in me take a break. I need that permission. And although we may cultivate self-confidence, it doesn’t mean we’re perfect or don’t have bad days. Part of living well looks like knowing how to accept ourselves on bad days. Self-confidence gives us a better quality of life and more satisfying relationships. Boundaries become healthier and we’re able to better deal with conflict management. One thing I’ve learned in my life is that although conflict is unavoidable in relationships, love and wisdom are ALWAYS important. If I don’t deliver my message in love, the recipient won’t receive it. There are times when it’s best not to say anything and save it for another time. That’s where wisdom comes in. Do I always get it right? No. But I’m doing better and having better relationships as a result.   

What blocks confidence?

Rejection. Abuse. Family issues. Negative conditioning. Painful life experiences. Medical issues and poverty usually play a role. There are several voices around us. Telling us who we should be. Who we are and who we can never become. Sometimes these voices become echoes in our subconscious mind. And they get played out in our shrinking, overthinking, shutting down, tolerating abuse and more. We all respond to adversity differently. What interferes with one persons confidence may not interfere with anothers. We’re all different.

What do we do?

I think we all want to walk in that place of self-confidence with less doubt and insecurities. Sometimes when we’ve grown up tough, it can be hard to imagine ourselves walking a new path. It is possible though, I’ve seen it happen more than once.

How to develop it.

Growing self-confidence looks like identifying the lies beneath our insecurities. Our pain has a story and healing is a continuous process. For me, healing has come through not basing  my worth in my experiences or peoples opinions of me. Healing started once I stopped ruminating on what people said and making it truth. I’m open to feedback and I show humility if I hurt someone. But my worth doesn’t come from others feedback. My value lies in something deeper. Something greater. I’m still a work in progress but I don’t base my worth on what other people say about me as much anymore. It doesn’t carry the same weight as before. They didn’t create me. How can they speak to my worth?

I’d encourage you to do the deep work. It takes effort. I want you to keep enjoying life and show yourself patience in the process. Ask yourself the hard questions. Where did this insecurity come from? When did I start accepting it as truth? What’s underneath the insecurity? When did it manifest in my life? What was going on around me? How do I feel about it today?

Is there anything that’s been monumental in your healing journey as you grow your confidence? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

More Love. Joy. Peace to you.

Londyn

Food for Thought

1) Is there any part of you that believes in your inherit worth and goodness?

2) When you explore your insecurities, what’s their story? Where did they come from?

3) What will happen when you start growing in confidence?

References

Mental health by the numbers | nami. Mental Health by the Numbers . (2023, April).         https://www.nami.org/about-mental-illness/mental-health-by-the-numbers/

Tracy, B. (2012). The Power of Self-Confidence: Become Unstoppable, Irresistible and Unafraid in Every Area of Your Life.

National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). Mental Health Information: Statistics. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness